Drew and I toured the Toddler 1 section of daycare, where Rachel will start Nov. 16th. I was disappointed. The windows in each room are tiny, the rooms themselves looked grubby and the kids -- the ones who, just a week or so ago were in Mobiles with Rachel -- looked runny-nosed and a few seemed unhappy. And I've been told the main woman there, Teacher Karen, was great, but...she talked reallyreallyreally fast and it was hard to keep up with what she was saying. She also noted gently that toddlers are much more on a schedule than Mobiles. For instance, snack is at 9, lunch is at 11 or so, naptime is 11:30 until 2:30 and they nap on mats with blankets, not cribs. The whole idea of a schedule seems so grownup and corporate, and Rachel is still LITTLE! She woke up this morning at 9:15 a.m. (ok, granted, that was a little late for a weekday) and I can't stand the thought of putting her to sleep at 8 so she can get all whacked out and start waking at 6 just because some daycare needs her to be on a schedule.
Drew, who took the tour with me, said at one point, "Lisa, you look traumatized." I was, and I started crying. She's not even walking yet! Why does she have to move to another room? Teacher Karen said most kids take weeks to adjust, and it's new germs so they get runny noses and ear infections (oh, joy) and the transition is the hardest they'll ever make at St. James. However...Teacher Karen has been there for 21 years, her own daughter went through the program (I didn't have the heart to ask her whether she ended up at an Ivy League college), they have whole milk there so we won't have to bring it from home, they'll try to get her to drink milk from a cup, they'll encourage her to walk. And they don't watch TV and she won't get juice (we only give her water or milk). Still...
The whole experience left me very depressed today. Not even clothes shopping could lift my mood. I just wanted to run back to Mobiles, scoop Rachel up and say loftily, "you can't have my child. I'm keeping her until she's ready for kindergarten, and I'm finding another daycare with big sunny rooms and where they're on my daughter's schedule, not the other way around."
But of course, that is unrealistic. Drew reminded me that Rachel will have to wake up earlier eventually, and that it's easier to get her to do so now than when she's in kindergarten (which I had secretly hoped I could put off until then). A friend of mine reminded me later that children aren't really ours, we just get to borrow them, and our whole aim in life is to help prepare them to leave us one day as independent, sane human beings.
But as I was cuddling her in my arms tonight and singing to her as she fell asleep, I thought how much I'll miss these days. Her breath was so soft on my chin, and her little hand was tucked up near my neck, and I could feel how much she trusted her mommy to make her feel safe and loved, with no good reason other than she really doesn't have a choice.
I hope I never let her down, and I hope I can tell her how someday how I cried while I wrote this, realizing she will someday grow up and go away and all I'll be able to do is wave goodbye.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Lisa, I'm sorry you were sad when touring the toddler room. One thing that I have found with my kids and my experiences helping out in their preschool and kinder classes is that the kids really do thrive on schedules. It's more the comfort of knowing what to expect day to day and things to look forward to. They feel safe. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. I cried when Andrew started pre-k and then when he started kinder. Heck I got emotional when he started back after taking a week off from being sick (that seems silly to me now but I was really sad that I had to take him back to school even though he was bored out of his mind at home and really wanted the routine of school, mommy still wanted him safe at home!) The germs, that's another story. I don't like the idea of the runny noses. I know that's the reality of life but it's not pleasant for your child to have to suffer all these nasty viruses. Hang in there. I think once she's in the new program she will really love it and you will all appreciate the schedule and knowing what to look forward to. It also helps you continue the continuity of what they learn at school or childcare when they are at home with you. Jack's preschool has a curriculum and we're able to replicate some of that at home, which he really enjoys.The pains of motherhood, no one tells us about that :(
ReplyDeletethanks, Linda! You're right, of course you're right, and Drew's best friend from college -- who has a 17-year-old daughter -- said ALL transitions are hard. It's just difficutlt to think of Rachel as an independent little person. I can't wait for her to be old enough for us to have conversations when Drew is in Seattle, and to goof off together playing a board game or going to a movie. At the same time, that means she's getting independent enough to not want to be with Mommy anymore. And that makes me sad.
ReplyDeletetrust your instinct, Lisa. If you didn't like the atmosphere, maybe it's time to move on and find a place that you like better?
ReplyDeletethen again, I found a really cool daycare in paul with big, sunny windows, and although the atmosphere was great, it was the worst daycare we've experienced, and we ended up pulling calvin out of it.
that said, daycare is always a little depressing when you think of the alternative, one-on-one time at home. Just think of it as training for "big kid" school. Rachel will have no problem doing "circle time" and other social things.
also, maybe this will help you feel better: marigold was completely new to the daycare setting when she started in the toddler room. she loves it! although, it did mess with her schedule, in terms of not sleeping when she normally did and then crashing when she got home, but after about a month, she's settling in and now taking longer naps again like she did at home.