Why I love being a mom

..because, after I had a crummy day at work yesterday (it always sucks when your editor reprimands you for something you're sure you shouldn't be reprimanded for), I took the bus home, then walked to the pool just in time to meet Drew walking out with Rachel in his arms.

He spotted me first.

"Look, it's a surprise, Rachel!" he said. "It's mama!"

Her face turned toward me and oh, it lit up. Really lit up. A huge smile spread across her cheeks and she reached out for me, something she doesn't usually do when she's in Drew's arms. She let me carry her all the way back to the car before she reached out for Drew again.

And somehow, everything I had gone through that day just melted away.

Plus, we returned to temperatures in the mid-60s at night, which could have had something to do with the fact that Rachel went down at 9 with only the tiniest fuss.

She clapped her little hands at me today before I left for work.

Ahhhhh......

Air conditioning! We have air conditioning! Well, it's only in our bedroom, and it makes the room kind of cool instead of the icy cold I long for but...it is something.

Last night after we got home from the pool we put Rachel to bed right away. Or tried to; she screamed -- absolutely screamed -- for about an hour. That and the heat got on my nerves so much that I started snapping at Drew. When he asked why I was in a bad mood I said, "I am TIRED of living this way!" I grabbed the phone book, even though it was 9 p.m., and began calling air conditioning installers. Sure enough, I found a nice guy with First Call who came over this morning and gave us an estimate: $4,000 for a/c, $8,000 for a/c plus a new furnace. Way beyond our budget.

Seeing the murderous look in my eyes last night, Drew was determined to jerry-rig a system for our window a/c units that we lugged all the way from Minnesota and never installed because we have un-removable screens on our windows, part of the extensive window overhaul we did a couple of years after buying our 1930s-era house. I went down to the basement to sleep, with a small fan spinning near me and not much respite from the heat.

Drew, meanwhile, spent the evening installing the window unit, which he secured by using an end table I had wanted to get rid of, some old newspapers and towels stuffed on either side to catch the evaporation. When I staggered upstairs this morning he was calmly eating his breakfast and feeding Rachel her Cheerios.

I could tell he had done something special, so I walked into the bedroom and -- voila! Cool air! I was so happy. Now tonight I will get a decent night's sleep.

My only worry is Rachel, that her poor little body will get overheated. It is 106 degrees today, and will probably only cool down to the high 70s. We put her in a onesie last night and nothing else, and after her fussing episode she managed to make it through the night! We can't move her crib in our room and we don't want her to share a bed with us, so...looks like she'll be on her own, at least this summer. I hope by next summer we have the money to get central heat and air and we will never have to go through this again.

Splish splash, Part 2

Drew came with us to the pool today. He insisted we drive because a)it gave us more pool time and b)he was loath to take Rachel out in the heat. It seemed ridiculous to drive nine blocks, but in the end he was right. If we had walked, we would have arrived hot and sweaty and out of sorts. This way, we hopped out of our air-conditioned car and got admitted to the pool right away. Plus, because we got there before 8, there were still lots of babies there.

We met one baby, Olivia, who was only 4 months old. She really seemed to be enjoying herself, whereas Rachel started fussing as soon as we put her in the water. But after I got her her pacifier, she calmed down, leaned back and put her hands behind her head. All she needed was a drink in one hand and sunglasses and she would have looked like a baby movie star! By the end of the evening she was laughing as Drew whooshed her up and down out of the water. She still isn't moving her legs much. I think the flotation device really works better for older and stronger kids. I wish it had more support for Rachel to sit up but we'll just have to make do until she's walking and, hopefully soon after, swimming for real.

The weather is supposed to be horribly hot until Thursday and then cool off to a "mild" 85 to 90 degrees by the weekend. We plan to take Rachel back to the pool as often as we can.

Splish splash

Tonight was Rachel's first in the pool! I had been dreading it, worried that I wouldn't be able to manage her, myself and the flotation device without Drew's help. Well, it's hot as Hades here so I was determined to take Rachel to the outdoor pool at Grant High, which is about a 15-minute walk from our house. I put on a swim diaper (did they have those when I was a kid? I wondered), her cute blue and pink flowered bathing suit, my maternity bathing suit (which looks pretty silly on me but I haven't had the heart to try to find a new one) and off we went.

We got there at 8:15 and it was so crowded that we had to wait until people left before we could get in! I took the flotation device, a ridiculous looking inflatable thing with a Disney princess theme (ugh) put it in the water, put Rachel's feet through the mesh holes and dragged it through the water. She was NOT happy, especially when the bigger kids splashed near her or played ball. When the pool's that crowded they should really ban ball-playing, and I wish the kids would've been more considerate of the baby, but...all that is stuff Rachel will have to learn to deal with sooner or later. The splashing made her uncomfortable, as did the water, but instead of immediately taking her out I got her a pacifier and spun her around a couple of times.

Her distress eventually turned to curiosity, although not to delight. Hopefully that will come later. "This is just the start of a long love affair with water," I told her as I toweled her off. She wasn't impressed. I'm hoping she warms up to the idea when Drew and I take her swimming later this week. Temps are expected to reach 100 tomorrow.

Not again, please no...

Rachel has been waking up crying every 15 minutes or so. Drew is inclined to let her cry it out; I find it unnerving, especially since he is leaving tomorrow to work a #$!* weekend shift in Seattle (yes, I am as angered at his having to work weekends as I am over my situation) and it is something like 1,000 degrees here in Portland. (Well, probably 90, but it will be 100 by mid-week). This year, unlike last, we can't bring Rachel down to the cool basement in her bassinet. Which is what I think is the real reason for her crying -- she is hot and uncomfortable, and who can blame her? This is an excellent case for air conditioning and I don't give a damn that it is only hot a total of 3 weeks during the summer. Those weeks of extreme heat are getting longer and longer and I told Drew tonight that I can't stand living like this anymore. Fans just aren't cutting it.

Earlier tonight we saw a free performance of "Trek in the Park," an episode of "Star Trek" that a new acting company is doing and that I wrote about two weeks ago. We both loved it, and the cast members were really glad to see me. Rachel was very well-behaved, which continued into dinner at a local kid-friendly place. Over at the next table was a girl who was 13 months old and who wouldn't sit still. She kept wandering off, bumping into waiters and waitresses, and her mom tried her best to keep up.

I told Drew that our days of being able to take Rachel to restaurants are fast coming to an end. "So, we should go out as much as we can now," he answered.

Shabbat under the stars

We had the honor of being among a small crowd of people for Congregation Beth Israel's first-ever "Shabbat under the stars." Rabbi Cahana led a short service on the lawn of the synagogue, complete with music (he plays guitar), a portable ark for the Torah, and prayer books. I hopped a bus from work (one reason I'm thinking seriously of becoming a member here, it is so convenient to work. Although, as Drew pointed out, if I REALLY wanted to show I'm a Portlander, I would BIKE to synagogue. I actually plan to do that when Rachel's a little older) and met Drew & Rachel, who beat me there. Drew spread out a picnic blanket, I brought food from Elephants Deli, and after the service we joined our friends Steve & Patt and their friend Staci for a lovely picnic dinner.

Drew and Rachel sat in front of an elderly man who couldn't take his eyes off our little girl! She absolutely charmed him. Turns out he has two kids, 29 and 27, and is longing for grandchildren. He had kids late, like we did, and I guessed his age at around 70 or so. We had a long conversation and toward the end of the night Rachel actually let him hold her! For about a second, anyway, before she wanted to be back in Drew's arms.

Drew was really worried that Rachel would get cranky or restless, but she was just fine -- other than wanting to close my prayerbook in the middle of the Kaddish! She loves turning pages and opening and closing books. We are hoping that leads to a love of reading.

It was a lovely way to wind down the week and we hope to attend the next Shabbat under the stars, scheduled for mid-August.

Picture Day!

One of many that Rachel will be subjected to, I'm sure. Our daycare had a professional photographer in this morning to take headshots of the kids. (I had thought these would be full-body shots, so I dressed Rachel in a way cool dress that her Tia Daniella had gotten for her birthday. I got two pictures on my camera, but I think I'll have her wear the dress again sometime soon for better photos).

Drew had just finished feeding Rachel yogurt and Cheerios when the photos started. He noted that some of the other kids started shrieking when Tom, the photographer, aimed the camera at them. Rachel, meanwhile, was all smiles. She even started preening!

"She's a little hambone!" Drew exclaimed.
"I can see that," Tom noted dryly.

We should see the results sometime next week.

Traumatized mommy

You didn't think that the shots would be worse for Rachel than for me, did you? Rachel started screaming and crying the second we entered the doctor's office. My baby is smart. She recognized the hostile surroundings and noted immediately that there was no place to hide. So, she had a meltdown.

It lasted from the time we took off her clothes and the nurse weighed her, through the minutes that nice Dr. Rappaport checked her ears, her tummy, her legs and hips, and during the entire time we tried to ask him questions about her development. Drew managed to calm her down long enough to read a book that she appeared to enjoy (well, she was flipping through the pages, anyway), and then when the nurse came in with the tray of needles (why on a tray? Why can't they just hide them in their pockets?) Rachel started all over again.

I was nauseous and white by this time, but it wasn't over. Oh, no. The torture continued down to the lab, where Rachel needed to get a blood draw to make sure there's no lead in her body. This is mommy and daddy's fault, because we live in an old house and she is at risk for blood poisoning.

She calmed down as soon as she realized we were walking OUT of the doctor's office. Drew will tell the daycare ladies to give her some extra TLC. And the next time we do this, she'll be even more aware of things around her so we will bring some sugary treats and her favorite toys. It probably won't work but we'll give it a try.

Oh yeah, her latest stats: She is 2 feet, 6 inches long (90th percentile) and weighs 19 pounds (27th percentile, which alarmed me, but apparently she'll start gaining as soon as she starts drinking more whole milk). I was surprised she weighed so little, she looks really healthy to me. Dr. Rappaport said he was very pleased at her progress.

Rachel's reading matter

Last night and tonight, while I was bustling around getting dinner on the table, I put Rachel in her high chair and plopped a Pottery Barn catalogue in front of her to keep her busy and cut down on the whining. I expected she'd wave it around the air, rip a couple of pages and then drop it on the floor.

Well. I looked over at her after a while and she was FLIPPING THROUGH THE CATALOGUE, LOOKING AT THE PICTURES AND TURNING THE PAGES. "You are an AMAZING baby!" I exclaimed. When she finished, she just looked up expectantly as if to say, "So, what's next, Mommy? Lord & Taylor? Saks?"

For dinner she had a Gardenburger, most of a jar of baby food, unsweetened applesauce, two cherries, two strawberries and a bunch of sweet puffy things called Graduates. I told mom today that Rachel eats a cup of yogurt for breakfast every morning. "That's all?" she asked. "Yeah, mom," I answered. "Her tummy is still little!"

I'm a bit worried she doesn't seem to like vegetables much and seems to favor red meat over chicken. I will talk to the pediatrician about this. We'll see him tomorrow for Rachel's 1-year checkup, which I'm told involves some nasty shots. So, at approximately 9:45 a.m. Pacific Time, I expect to be cowering in a corner while Drew and the baby nurse hold Rachel down as she screams in pain and betrayal as the shots are administered. I hope she forgives us quickly.

Rose Garden

We took Suzanne to the Washington Park rose test garden right before she had to leave for the airport. Rachel actually wore her hat while she was in Drew's arms and seemed to enjoy reaching out and touching the rose petals. I hadn't been there in so long, I had forgotten what a beautiful place it is, especially on a perfect summer day -- not too hot.

Rachel really warmed up to Suzanne before she left, it was probably Suzanne's mommy radar that did it. Rachel let Suzanne feed her and put her to bed while Drew and I went out to dinner and then to the newest Star Trek movie, which we have been dying to see. It was worth waiting for -- fabulous! -- and it was nice to be somewhere without the baby for a few hours, even if we did wind up talking about her and about Drew's work.

Today we all had breakfast together before I dashed off to a friend's baby shower. While I was reading the Sunday NYT (a joy I hope that Rachel gets to experience before print dies completely) I could feel her crawling near my legs and under the kitchen table. I loved feeling her little baby fingers under my butt, trying to pull herself up on my chair!) She was chattering to herself the whole time. I really think she does have her own language, it's going to be up to us to interpret it.

At the park today we saw a little girl who was 17 months old. She was holding a stuffed animal in one hand and her mom's finger in the other. The mom told us that between now and then, Rachel will do some amazing things. Her daughter is putting three-word sentences together, she's walking and really is no longer a baby anymore.

Drew and I agreed that we can't believe that day will ever come.

Squeals of glee

Lately Rachel has been squealing and shrieking with glee. We call it her baby dinosaur impression, the one that began with hoarse little grunts, just to see what her voice could do. Now it sounds as if she's actually happy and delighting in the world around her. It's so wonderful to hear!

Last night she ate some roasted potatoes and -- finally -- a piece of chicken.

Trip to the coast

We proudly showed Suzanne the Oregon Coast yesterday. She had trouble believing that the water was too cold to swim in -- I think that's because she was raised in Florida. We packed the diaper bag way too full but luckily had enough food and toys to keep Rachel busy while we ate lunch at the Cannon Beach Hotel. I grabbed a brochure listing room rates -- unfortunately it's a no-kids place. Which means we probably won't get back there for, oh, two decades. Maybe Drew & I can sneak in a weekend there if family or friends offer to watch Rachel for the weekend...

The weather was really nice -- 70 and very windy, a great respite from the awful heat here in the city. I spread a blanket out on the sand and tried to snooze, but Rachel kept snatching my sunglasses! Then she plopped down beside me, with her little stomach on the blanket, put her head right next to mine and gave me a big smile! I couldn't help but laugh. Drew and Suzanne kindly took her for a walk while I tried to nap. Apparently Rachel isn't any more a fan of the beach than she was in Hawaii (we took her to Oahu when she was 4 months, since my chorus was competing there in International. We took 9th!). Drew said as he lowered her feet onto the sand near the water, she got a horrified expression on her face: "You really want me to put my feet on this FILTH, Dad? Are you nuts??"

Her mood greatly improved when we put on her little coat, which cut the wind considerably. And she actually kept her floppy sunhat on -- for a while anyway. She wasn't impressed by the baby sunglasses I got for her, though. She keeps ripping them off as if to say, "No pictures! No pictures!"

More guests!

Suzanne, one of Drew's best college buddies, is here while her husband is in Vegas, her son is at camp and her daughter is in Argentina. Suzanne's kids, Jules (17) and Jordan (12) are way older than Rachel, so it's fun for her to be around a baby. She keeps remarking how "we didn't have THESE when I was raising MY kids!" This morning she very helpfully folded a load of laundry I had put in the dryer before we went to sleep. And she played with Rachel in the living room so Drew and I could finish our breakfast.

Last night we took her to our favorite gelato place, which is within walking distance. Once we got there we ran into some other friends of ours, Carrie and her two daughters Ani and Elsa. They were with a woman I had talked to years ago for a story that I never ended up writing. Turns out she lives behind Carrie. And finally, I saw a woman who teaches spin class at the gym I go to. She's kind of mean and I've had a few run-ins with her, so I avoided saying hello. She was on a bike, so she must live in the neighborhood.

Rachel discovered pizza last night, since the gelato place has just started serving it. Drew ordered a small one and she ate both the crusts and the tomato-y part! We are marveling at her capacity to eat. I really feel as if we're close to getting rid of jarred food altogether. Yay!

In two weeks she will probably be completely off formula, as well. This past week we've given her 2 oz. milk, 2 oz. formula. Next week it will be 3 oz. milk, 1 oz. formula, and then -- whole milk for good.

Drew, Suzanne and Rachel are at the park, which gave me a chance to clean up the house a bit and shower. Earlier this morning Rachel was on Drew's lap, playing with the numbers on his cell phone. I swear it looked as if she was trying to text. You could tell Drew was thinking of how technology-savvy she will be at a very young age.

Drew (pointing to Rachel): THIS is the future. Right here.
Lisa: Yeah, well, the future is still pooping in her pants.

Drew thought it was very funny!

Sonny Boy

Just my luck that the director of my chorus chose the incredibly depressing song "Sonny Boy" for us to sing for our next contest round. There's a line in there that says, "sit on my knee, you're only 3, sonny boy..." and I started sniffling last night as I sang it. This is an all-women chorus, and one of my riser-mates turned to me and hissed, "You have a GIRL."

That got me to stop crying pretty fast.

Drew's friend from college, Suzanne, is in town so I have tomorrow off. It would be great if we have time to head to the coast. I've planned a nice Shabbat dinner and hope I have enough time to cook and bake a nice summer berry tart.

Rachel's pitching arm

I swear, she is developing quite the pitching arm! She actually was winding up last night before throwing her little rubber ball toward me. I threw it back. Then, she put it in one hand, got down on her hands and knees and crawled to me as fast as she could...then put her little head face-down in my lap! I just laughed and hugged her tummy and stroked her back. Then she popped up and crawled to the refrigerator and started playing with the magnetized letters and numbers we've stuck up there.

The tummy bug left her very hungry. Last night she ate: A jar of turkey vegetable baby food, most of a Gardenburger (thank you Amy, for that fantastic suggestion!), two Saltines and a cup of unsweetened applesauce.

Drew was relieved to hear she likes something other than strawberries, American cheese and soy crackers.

Tummy Bug From Hell, Part 2

Remember the tummy bug that got us all last winter? Well, it resurfaced. Richard was sick on Friday, Lil got sick on Sunday, I got sick yesterday and last night Drew got sick as well. At daycare yesterday they told us that something was going around, making some of the kids throw up and others have massive diarrhea. Apparently Rachel had two diarrhea-filled diapers. A third, and they would have called me to take her home. I was worried that would happen again today, but so far she's fine. When I walked into her room and sang to her this morning, she gave me a big smile and handed me her pacifier. Then she picked up the reserve one I leave in her crib and handed that to me, too!

She's so cute sometimes, I just have to smile -- even after a bad night of getting up every three hours to run to the bathroom. But moms can't get sick. So I am soldiering on through the day, fighting a headache and awful stomach pains, really wanting to eat something but afraid that it will ruin my digestive system.

We ran a story this weekend on a woman who died, at 90, after raising 15 children. FIFTEEN! The story said that she was rewarded in later years when her kids took her on trips, cruises, etc., repaying her for all the hard work she did raising them. I think there was one bathroom in the whole house.

So I really have no right to complain -- about anything.

Toy chests & baby gates

Drew and I got reminiscing last night about the toy chests we had as kids. I belive we had the same one -- blue, with a lid that opened on the top. (Dad later painted the toy chest white and it ended up Daniella's room when we got our own bedrooms in 6th and 4th grades). I told Drew I wished I had bought an intricately carved wooden chest from Africa and arranged to have it shipped home, to use as a coffee table until the kids came. He said that would have been a bad idea because kids really beat up on toy chests -- he certainly banged his up.

So, the upshot was, I went to Fred Meyer today and bought a 66 quart size plastic tub with a lid that snaps shut. When I got home, I swept up all of Rachel's living-room toys and crammed them inside. Then I put her toy xylophone on top. And boy, do I feel liberated! I feel as if I have my living-room back again! I just couldn't wait until Rachel was old enough for us to move her toys into her bedroom. Even though I'm a mom, I still can't stand clutter and tend to want to get rid of it as soon as possible, for my own peace of mind.

I also bought a baby gate. A friend of ours gave us one but it doesn't quite work right and we really need a secure gate for the top of the attic stairs, since we play a lot with Rachel up there and at the rate she crawls, she's fully capable of pitching head-first down the stairs. Ugh -- I don't even want to THINK of that possibility.

The day after

Good thing we had the party yesterday, since it is cold and rainy out -- very uncharacteristic weather for July! Drew and I stayed up quite late talking after the last of our guests left at 10:30 last night. He woke us both up with a coughing fit at 1 a.m., so neither of us got great sleep. (The Little Girl, by contrast, slept in).

Drew fixed breakfast for Richard, his wife Lil, Amanda and Jenn -- bacon, eggs, fresh berries and my lemon blueberry bread. We tried to give Rachel some scrambled eggs but she showed absolutely no interest. So much for mixing spinach into the eggs, like my friend Amy suggested...

Amanda & Jenn left after breakfast; Richard and Lil went shopping for souvenirs, and Drew and I finished cleaning up, opened some of Rachel's presents (she also showed no interest in ripping open the wrapping paper. Oh, how that will change!) and then collapsed. I took a late morning nap; he took an early afternoon nap. Rachel took a tiny morning nap and is sleeping now, which is great because she was getting really fussy around lunchtime. Didn't want anything except soy crackers and American cheese. She did gnaw on some raw carrots. Drew is getting increasingly worried and frustrated about her fondness for cheese, crackers and little else. "You've gotta eat something other than crackers and cheese, kid," he grumbled, to no avail. We've tried string beans, little pieces of bread, lunch meat...nothing. She's transitioning from jarred food which she increasingly won't eat and we are both concerned that she's not getting enough to eat (or enough nutrition) from grown-up food.

We can always tell when Rachel doesn't like something: she screws up her eyes and puts her little fists in front of her nose and mouth and tries to squirm out of her chair.

We had one moment of levity today. We were both in the kitchen, playing on the floor with Rachel, when she discovered the tall, skinny pantry -- the only door we haven't put baby locks on because it's too high. She kept opening and slamming the door, trying to get our attention. Then she grabbed the cooking oil --tightly sealed, of course -- and tipped it over, following by crawling over to me and smacking my arm with her hand. Drew's translation: "Mommy! I just knocked over the cooking oil! Pay attention! What is the MATTER with you! There is NO accountability here!"

The best birthday ever!

Rachel officially turned 1 today. We had a little party to celebrate. A few highlights:

--She took a long morning nap, which enabled me to bake lemon-blueberry bread and finish cleaning the house, let the carpet guy in to carpet the upstairs closet (which looks amazing, so if any of you want to travel 3,000 miles to admire it, we will happily put you up), set up the table and then expand the table when Drew brought the foodstuffs from Kenny & Zuke's, our favorite deli out there. Everything was completely ready to go 20 minutes before folks started arriving.

--Kenny & Zuke's apparently mis-heard Drew. About two dozen people RSVP'd; Drew wisely ordered food for 18, and they gave us enough for...an army. Drew and I will be eating corned beef, salami and cheese sandwiches until, oh, her 2nd birthday. This is why America is obese, folks.

--We have yet to open all the gifts, but one of the best ones was from our friend Molly, who has two kids and a baby about a month younger than Rachel. It was a little car that Rachel can power with her feet! when she figures it out; until then, Mom or Dad will have to push her. You should have seen her face light up behind the wheel when Drew pushed her up and down the driveway, and when Marigold (Molly's daughter, the 11-month-old), pushed the cart with Rachel inside...well, I'll never forget that scene!

--Toward the end of the afternoon, Doug and Linda and their two boys showed up, Linda with a plastic ballpen big enough to hold Rachel and an adult (we have to inflate it; it will live upstairs) and a tubful of plastic balls to go with it. Drew had the genius idea of putting Rachel in the tub surrounded by the plastic balls and you have never seen a happier child. She went to town, throwing the balls outside the tub, handing the balls to Drew and laughing. At that point I figured it was time to break out the soap bubbles, so I blew bubbles while Andrew (Linda's son, who will soon be 6) tried to break them and Rachel giggled. I took plenty of pictures!

--Drew and I switched off taking care of Rachel throughout the day, and she most definitely wanted to be with him. But around 8 or so, I took her in my lap while Drew finished the last of the cleaning up and she became very cuddly. I sang a couple of lullabies while Anne, David, Amanda and Jenn chilled out. (Jenn at one point started falling asleep on the couch!). Anne paid me one of the most beautiful compliments of the day: "You are such a natural mother, Lisa." she said.

--Rachel is now asleep, hopefully for the night. She had a couple of meltdowns with all the people and the excitement, but otherwise everyone complimented us on how beautiful, alert, smart and happy she is. Drew is upstairs talking to the remainder of our guests -- most of whom stayed way later than the 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. window, which was just fine with us, we love having visitors stay as long as possible -- and I am here writing this, with a very full heart and the absolute conviction that it will be impossible to top this birthday. Thank you all for helping to make it possible and remind us how much Rachel is loved.

Feeding Rachel

As soon as I told Drew that Rachel is now scarfing down cheese and whines when she sees I'm eating something different from she eats, he went straight to the grocery store and bought specially fortified yogurt for babies (I've just been feeding her the thick and creamy kind from Yoplait), long sticks of cheese and bananas.

She showed no interest in the cheese, but ate some banana this morning. And yogurt, of course.

This, clearly, is why Drew is the better parent -- he's much more mindful of the right foods to feed her. Rachel also has begun to lay her head on his chest the way she does with me. I'm glad -- I think he was getting a complex.

Sleepy Rachel

..she didn't wake up until 8:05 a.m. this morning, when I had to gently pat her awake. As soon as I stroked her back, her eyes popped open, she sat up in her crib and looked quite confused. Thankfully, she wasn't crabby. In fact, she had an attack of the giggles when I tickled her tummy on the changing table!

Add yogurt and American cheese to the list of foods she loves. This morning she turned up her nose at the granola and raisin jarred food we give her. I sent out a plea to a mom friend of mine and she had excellent suggestions for food to start Rachel out on. I'm thinking of beginning tonight, while Drew drives back from Seattle.

This morning was the second day that I actively missed her while she was in daycare. I keep picturing her face when she smiles, and how cuddly she is. I'm still OK with working full-time but when she's in a good mood and we're all rested, I really like being around her.

The party continues

We just got back from a barbecue at my friend Miriam's house in West Linn, about a half-hour drive from here. Miriam is from chorus and her 20-year-old daughter was in town to visit; she will be a senior at Agnes Scott College. She is tall, poised, and very much a grownup, and LOVED IT when I offered to let her hold Rachel. I hope Rachel turns out half as well as she.

Rachel continued to let several people hold her, perhaps she is out of her fear of strangers stage? We hope so, as that will make it easier for her to socialize during her big birthday bash next week (an open house, and we're expecting about two dozen people. Plus we'll have folks sleeping over throughout the weekend). Then, at 6, I went into Miriam's bedroom to change her diaper. She cuddled against my chest, I sang and rocked her, and before I knew it, she was asleep! So, I shifted position slightly on the bed, leaned back against the pillows and napped myself. We stayed there about an hour or so, Rachel's hot, sweaty body against my stomach and chest, her little arms tucked up. I will never forget these days, and I know that when she's grown I will miss cuddling a baby against me.

Drew finished the first coat of paint on the closet. He also baby-proofed our kitchen cabinets. "TRY to get into those cabinets, just TRY," he said, egging Rachel on as she crawled to the cabinet holding most of our mixing bowls. "MAKE MY DAY."

She quickly lost interest when she realized she was shut out!

Happy Fourth of July!

Our girl took two long, long naps today -- one for 2 1/2 hours and one for 1 1/2 hours. We think the heat -- it felt like 100 degrees today, although it was probably somewhere around 90 -- made her especially sleepy, and snuggly. When she wasn't sleeping, or playing, she cuddled in my arms a lot today.

We spent her naptime de-cluttering the house; me by going through old magazines and cutting out recipes and travel articles, then trashing the rest, and finishing up the photo album of Rachel's first year (really, two photo albums -- I need to cut down on the picture-taking). Drew put primer on our attic closet in preparation for painting. He plans to do the first coat tomorrow night, since I have to work part of the day and we have an afternoon barbecue to attend. Then, hopefully, he'll finish up Wednesday in time for the attic to be dry Thursday morning so the carpet installer can lay down the carpet. It's going to look great when it's finished, I just wish Drew were going to be down here Monday and Tuesday nights so the paint is absolutely sure to be dry by the time the carpet folks come.

After Rachel awoke from her afternoon nap, I took her over to our friends Anna & Judy's house for a bbq. They live three blocks away, and it is so nice to be able to walk to their house instead of getting in the car and driving everywhere! Rachel was in an unusually placid mood; she let Anna (who's a mom herself) hold her, and then Anna's next-door-neighbor, Mel (who is a guy, but is also the state's acting director of public health. So, maybe Rachel figured he was trustworthy). She had two slight meltdowns, probably from all the dogs and kids and grownups and food. I was able to calm her pretty quickly.

Mel's wife, Sarah, said some lovely things about Rachel. When Drew finally arrived around 8, got a hamburger and then held Rachel, Sarah said, "She loves her daddy; she's been looking at him adoringly ever since you walked in!" to Drew. Then, noticing Rachel's alertness, the said, "your daughter is so analytical. She's just taking it all in, looking at everything!" Sarah is a nurse, so her comments made me feel especially good.

We pushed Rachel's bedtime a bit, figuring her long naps made it OK for her to go to bed at 9:45 instead of 9 (I pretty much nixed Drew's idea of going to the fireworks downtown, which last year were spectacular but also started at 10, and I did NOT want to have to deal with a baby, the crowds, the noise and then trying to get Rachel to sleep afterward). We settled for watching Anna's brother, Fred, in town from Seattle, set off a couple of fireworks in the street. Rachel seemed quite nonplussed by it all, smiling and clutching Drew's cell phone, her new favorite toy.

I think back to this time last year, when I was heavily pregnant and expecting to deliver any day. My due date was July 5th, and I kept praying that she wouldn't come on July 4th, since I didn't want her birthday to be the same day as a national holiday. Little did I know that she'd end up staying inside of me much longer and that I had to be induced to get her out!

Such a long time has passed. There were times I never thought she'd get bigger or that I'd get through those first terrible weeks after her birth. But...she did, and I did, and now I wonder what she'll be like next year. Almost 2! She'll be walking, babbling a lot, probably carrying dolls or stuffed animals, eating grownup food, swinging in Anna & Judy's hammock with the other kids...and, everyone tells me, we will be missing these baby days.

Eating and...walking?

Rachel is so close to walking, we're holding our breaths. Today I took her upstairs while Drew took a nap in the basement (his allergies are keeping him up coughing at night, poor guy) and while I sat on the futon, she "cruised" along the coffee table, holding onto it with one hand and taking little steps. Then she reached out toward the futon, whined when she couldn't reach it and was very glad when I took her hand and she was able to place it on the futon. Then she started cruising along the arm!

She also regularly takes two to three steps with us holding her arms, instead of collapsing on the floor like she did...just last week, in fact.

It was really hot in the attic and, late in the afternoon, I curled up next to her on the futon. She laid her head down on my hip, like she usually does when I'm lying next to her (I think it's her way of telling me she loves me), and before I knew it, she was fast asleep! It was so sweet, I hated to wake her up. But Drew came upstairs looking for us, and she is getting heavier and heavier, so the weight on my hip was causing my back to ache. Of course, when Drew picked her up she refused to go down for an afternoon nap. We are hoping she sleeps through the night.

The heat was so intense that I couldn't bear the thought of cooking, so we grilled burgers (elk meat, surprisingly good) and french fries, and had a salad. Rachel really liked the fries. She also ate grapes at lunch today. Drew had been afraid to feed them to her for fear that she'd choke, but he was proud of the way she handled them -- she just bit in to one, sucked all the juice out and proceeded to devour the rest!

She continues to eat yogurt for breakfast, and we are making a habit of giving her bits of whatever food we eat. Shannon, one of the daycare ladies, pronounced Rachel a "champion eater" yesterday. I really hope this continues into toddlerhood, because it will be so fun to cook together.

Baby party

I left work a little early yesterday and took Rachel to a birthday party for all the 1-year-olds (or, in Rachel's case, soon-to-be 1-year-olds) in one of the many moms groups I've joined.

The party was at Alison's house. She is a teacher who is staying home with her son, Jackson, for an indefinite amount of time. Most of the moms there were stay-at-home moms, and they are a pretty tight group. Lots of talk of outings to the park, the zoo, the Children's Museum. I felt a little left out, although I love working and can't imagine being a stay-at-home mom. Though I'd never criticize anyone for making that choice. It just isn't right for me.

One slightly mollifying factor was Rachel snuggling up to me the whole time we were there. She rested her head on my leg and I stroked her back. Her little face looked exhausted, as if she wanted to say, "After a long day of daycare, I've just HAD it, mommy!"

All the other moms noticed. "Ohh, she's so snuggly!" they said enviously. "Does she always do that? My son NEVER does..."

Rachel, the diva

Rachel has a new pose, which Drew calls the "diva" pose: In the middle of eating a cracker, she'll suddenly drop her head back, hold out the cracker with her hand, and give a big smile, as if communicating with her fans!

We are in fact the charter members of The Rachel Fan Club, which she no doubt has figured out.

Also last night, I awoke at 4 a.m. to feel Drew stroking my face.

"Drew, what are you DOING?" I asked.

"Um, I thought you were the baby," he answered sleepily.