Rachel and Sidney

Rachel has a friend, Sidney, whose mom and dad recently went through a divorce. Sidney was a problem last year in that she wasn't very nice to Rachel or the other kids in kindergarten. We heard she was in the counselor's office a lot, working through some anger issues, and I told Rachel to try to be extra nice to her. The result: Sidney has glommed onto Rachel, following her around this year even when Rachel doesn't want her to, saying to Rachel, "You're my only friend." But she's still sometimes mean to her, calling her "Crutch Baby," because of the crutches, and not listening when Rachel wants her to do something.

Two weekends ago, at a mutual friend's birthday party, an adult asked Sidney to get Rachel a cup of hot chocolate. Rachel asked Sidney to put marshmallows in it, and Sidney huffed, "I'm not your maid," and then refused to get her the hot chocolate. Whereupon Rachel burst into tears, mostly of frustration, about "Sidney's not being a very good LISTENER!" and so I took Rachel into my lap and tried to soothe her.

"I'm not as mature as you think I am, Mommy," she sobbed, and so that shocked me so much that I just held her for a bit.

What made it doubly hard was that I had witnessed Sidney's mom, Nicole, trying to leave the party early go to meet a friend downtown for an event at the symphony. Sidney clung to her mom and physically attempted to keep her from leaving, crying and throwing her arms around her mom's legs, begging her not to go. It was heartbreaking, and I could just see how churned-up that kid must have felt inside. Her dad came to pick her up later, and he seemed perfectly nice, until the mom of the girl whose party it was said to me later, "Don't you think Chris [the dad] is a d--k?" At which point I talked a bit about my frustration about Sidney's behavior toward Rachel, and then Kelly, the mom of the girl whose party it was, said that her daughter, Libby, had come home crying every day about Sidney being mean to her, and she had finally talked to the school counselor about it, and the counselor had given Kelly and Libby some advice on how to deal with it, and so things were better now.

I certainly don't think Sidney's occasional meanness rises to the level of having to see the school counselor, and Rachel really needs to learn to deal with friends who won't do exactly what she wants at any given moment; it's not my job to smooth a path for her. It is my job to teach her how to cope when friends and acquaintances disappoint her, which I'm trying to do. I just hope she learns before the meanness gets really ugly in middle school and she'll need to have a tougher shell to deal with it.