A disturbing conversation

On Friday, Rachel's last day at Summer Laureates, I asked her teacher, Miss Van Hook (she teaches first grade at Glebe Elementary), how Rachel had done.

Her face dropped and she said: "Sydney." And then I got an earful.

It seems that she was mean to Rachel for the entire three weeks -- saying hurtful, mean things, and Rachel would say hurtful, mean things back -- and then the next minute they'd be best friends again. "This is the kind of thing you don't see until middle school," Miss Van Hook said. She told me just how much a terror Sydney had been -- stealing other kids' stuff, pinning the kids physically against each other, scribbling all over other kids' projects, dumping glue in the middle of a group project, then crying and acting as if someone else did it (but the other kids made sure that Miss Van Hook knew that it was Sydney's fault), etc. And then came the most chilling revelation: "She doesn't show any remorse," Miss Van Hook said. She added that she has written Sydney's parents, telling them all this, "but there's a limited amount that I can do, because I don't have standing. I only have them for three weeks."

I quizzed her extensively about the situation. She told me that it wasn't affecting Rachel's ability and desire to learn: "She's a very bright kid, and she's always ready to work," and that she seemed to recover very quickly from Sydney's abusive behavior. I explained that we had encouraged Rachel to be friends with Sydney in kindergarten even though Sydney was mean -- we thought we could influence her with kindness -- and how Sydney follows Rachel everywhere and wants to do everything she does. I also said that Sydney's mom put her in Summer Laureates because she knew Rachel was going to be there and she wanted Sydney to have a friend. "She doesn't fit the profile of the typical kid here," Miss Van Hook said, and Drew told me last night that he was sure that Sydney's teacher wouldn't recommend her for the program -- but apparently did.

I also told Miss Van Hook that the McKinley guidance counselor had brushed off her behavior saying, "Sidney's one of my characters," and saying that she would go to Sidney's class and talk to everyone about the importance of being nice and how to keep friendships, in the hope that Sidney would somehow internalize the message. I thought that was an inadequate response at the time, and Miss Van Hook agreed. She recommended that she and Rachel not be in the same class together, and Drew called McKinley Friday afternoon to get the principal's assurance that they would in fact be separated. Although, as Miss Van Hook noted, they may end up together even more during recess if they don't see each other during the day.

The whole conversation made me extremely upset. I think Sydney's behavior is reprehensible and I don't see her parents doing anything to curb it, based on the interaction I see between her and her mother -- but I don't know what goes on in that household so I can't judge. All I can see is that, as I told Miss Van Hook, she lashes out at Rachel because Rachel is smart, she's pretty, she has lots of friends and two parents who love her, like each other and actually sit down for dinner during the week and do fun things together. So maybe it's jealousy. In any case, if she does anything to physically or mentally hurt Rachel in a real and lasting way, she will be hearing from Drew AND from me -- and it won't be pretty.