Unexpected guest

I had Thursday night off, and we had decided ahead of time that I would make dinner -- lamb blades (less expensive than chops or rack of lamb) coated with panko and parmesan cheese; rice pilaf, salad, and a chocolate-chip cake (I decided to bake it because Drew and Rachel have been very patient watching Mommy back cake and cookies for everyone in the universe except them). Sidney's mom Nicole asked if we could take Rachel for her that night, and we said sure.

I picked them both up from extended day and Sidney was a model of good behavior -- it was hard to remember that she was the same sulky, whiny, tamper-throwing child I was used to. She was chatty on the way home and very polite when we got inside, even helping me set the table willingly when I asked her to and Rachel was sulking on the living-room couch because I wouldn't let her sit in my seat or Drew's at the dinner table.

At one point she was sulking so much that Sidney said, "I don't want Rachel to be sad," and I got worried that Rachel wasn't entertaining her guest, so I bent down and said, "If you don't play with Sidney, I can just send her home." She shaped up a bit after that, but not much.

Sidney politely said she didn't like the lamb after trying it, which was fine, and asked if she could still have dessert. Drew equivocated for a bit and said, "how about some more pilaf?" and she had eaten several slices of tomatoes, so it appeared to be okay.

Then Nicole showed up and we persuaded her to sit down and eat (luckily we had enough food) and I gave her my place at the table while I cleaned up the kids' dishes, separated the leftovers into Tupperware to take to work, etc.

Meanwhile, Sidney had turned right back into the whiny, tantrum-throwing child she usually is. She said to her mom, who was trying to get her to eat more lamb before dessert, that she didn't like the lamb, that it was "gross." Nicole tried to joke her out of it, but I would have been mortified if Rachel had said that at someone's house. (In the kitchen, while she was getting herself more water, I leaned down and said, "Rachel, please don't EVER say the food is gross if you're at someone's house." I hadn't even finished the words when she said patiently, "I know, Mom.") Then when it came time to leave she pitched a FIT. When Nicole told her to clear her plate she said, "NO! I don't HAVE to! You can't make me!" and I was really taken aback. Finally I said, "You know, Sidney, you can always come back," to reassure her that this wouldn't be the last time she'd be here. I wrapped up some cake for both of them and sent them on their way.

Drew and I were appalled. Why does she act that way? I told him; she was perfectly well-behaved earlier in the evening. His theory is that Sidney has figured out that she can't manipulate me the way she can manipulate Nicole (and is probably secretly glad that that's the case), so that's why she behaves in front of me. And when her mom shows up, she just reverts to bad habits. Nicole doesn't seem to me to be the strictest parent -- she watches grown-up TV shows with her daughter, which I think is odd and probably not a good idea.

I also had another thought: I wonder if Sidney's extreme reaction to leaving has something to do with her parents' divorce -- that she associates leaving with abandonment, the severing of her family, and that she hopes that if she throws a fierce enough tantrum, that maybe her parents will get back together. Or maybe it's just her way of acting out how mad she is that the grownups in her life have let her down.

Either way, if we can be a calming presence in her life, that's all to the good.