A lesson in tolerance

One of my pet peeves is parents who let their kids play with electronics in synagogue (and in church, too, I suppose, although I'm not in churches very often). There was a family I knew and was friends with in Portland; they were members of our chavurah, and I liked them a lot until one night I saw the youngest kid sitting on his mom's lap during a service and playing something on her smartphone, and it instantly changed how I thought of them. Harsh? Yes. But I've been taking Rachel to services with me since she was about 2, and she has never, ever needed the distraction of a smartphone or any other device.

Tonight there was a young mom in front of us with three girls, one of whom was probably 2 or 3, and she let her play with an iPad during the entire service -- and it was a family service, meaning the standards were lower anyway. I wouldn't have cared much except Rachel notice and started leaning over and seeing what was going on, and I tried to get her to hold back, but she kept looking. And I got more and more annoyed, but pretty sure that saying something would not have been appropriate.

Toward the end of the service Rachel all of a sudden started saying she was hungry and whining for challah. We went to the table for the Oneg Shabbat and I grabbed some crackers and slipped them into my pocket after giving Rachel one and eating one myself.

On the last song, one of the mom's daughters, the one with the iPad, started whining that she was hungry. The mom said they'd get food at the Oneg but she'd have to wait. So, I reached in my pocket and gave the girl a cracker -- and then her bigger sister, and then the oldest one. The mom thanked me profusely and explained this was the first time she'd gotten through a service with all three kids. And then she said, "thank you for not judging me for the iPad."

It was a smart preemptive move, and it left me feeling terribly guilty because I HAD judged her. Apparently her husband was traveling and she was on her own with the three kids. "I know a single mom with three kids," I said as we parted. I felt really bad for my reaction, especially because one obedient little girl is a lot easier to handle than three. Hopefully giving her kids the crackers made up for my evil thoughts.