Sickness in my house

Rachel hasn't been eating dinner the past two nights, and I've been scolding her for delaying, and not eating her carrots, taking tiny sips of soup, etc. One night I got really mad at her and sent her straight to bed after a very quick, unpleasant bath.

Early this morning I realized the cause. She started yelling and it turned out she had run to the bathroom and thrown up all over the toilet, the floor, the bath mat, etc. It was a real mess, and I calmed her down gently. About 15 minutes later she got up and threw up again. I suggested she try to eat some applesauce, so at 1:30 a.m. we were both sitting at the kitchen table, me watching her eat. I put her down to bed and she was fine.

This morning I had her eat applesauce again, and she promptly threw up after one bite. That's it, I decided -- I wasn't going to go into work, even though it was my boss's last day and I had wanted to say goodbye to him. At least I got to call him, explained the situation, and he totally understood -- he has three kids, one still at home, so he could relate.

I tried to set Rachel up with a movie upstairs, but couldn't get the TV to work so called a repair company to come over. Meanwhile, she crashed out on the couch, and for two hours I organized baby clothes to save/give away/sell/donate to Goodwill. Around 10 a.m. Rachel woke up, and I gave her some Saltines and apple juice, which she managed to keep down.

The service people came at 1:20 p.m. to fix the TV, but an hour or two after they left Rachel pushed a button on the DVD remote that screwed up everything, and the service folks had to come back and undo the damage. Meanwhile, I had yelled at and scolded poor Rachel, who retreated to her room and sobbed her heart out. Before the service folks arrived again, I took her into my lap and cuddled with her for quite a while. She was scared the teachers would throw her out of preschool for breaking the TV, and I assured her that wouldn't happen. She also said some other things that are too disturbing to repeat here. And then I started crying and apologized for being so harsh.

She decided she wanted to watch some old "Muppet Show" VHS tapes (thank you, Aunties Amanda and Jenn!) and I couldn't help watching some of them with her. All I can say is: a) the shows really hold up; they're terrifically sophisticated and b) Paul Simon looked young once. And, man, he had HAIR!

Then we dashed out to get matzohs, bananas and Pedialyte -- all things that Rachel needed to feel better. Just as we were about to go into the grocery store I apologized yet again for yelling at her. "It's OK Mommy, all moms yell at their kids," she said. "You don't have to be perfect." I nearly burst into tears right there. I am such a deeply flawed human being, and yet she loves me unreservedly anyway. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am grateful every day for her presence.

When she got home she said her tummy hurt, and she lay on the couch and fell asleep. That's where I picked her up at 8:30 and carried her into her room. "Thank you, Mommy," she said sleepily, and I got her out of her clothes and into her nightie as quickly as I could. She felt warm so I put a cold washcloth on her head, told her I'd be as quiet as possible, and shut the door.

***

Even though she was sick, Rachel kept trying to help me around the house. She insisted on carrying the heavy laundry basket downstairs (I was racing around trying to pack as many chores into the day as I could, to take advantage of the unexpected down time). I kept telling her that she was sick, and not to do any work, and that I was worried about her.

"Mommy, you can't just worry about ME!" she exclaimed. "You have to worry about YOURSELF!"