Poor Rachel

On Monday and Tuesday, preschool called to say that Rachel had a very high temperature and we had to come pick her up early. On Monday I did; yesterday Drew did. When we both picked her up, she was her normal cheerful self and later ate like a horse.

Today was the first day that she was OK. I got home unexpectedly early from chorus -- since I'm not going to regional competition, our director didn't want me on the risers so rather than sit and listen all night, I got up and left -- and joined Rachel and Drew for spaghetti. Rachel insisted that Mommy read her books and Daddy brush her teeth and put her to bed. She's been crying a lot lately over little things and seems unexpectedly clingy; I'll bet she senses the tension in the house over Drew's new weekend shift schedule (even thought we've tried to present it to Rachel as a cool Mommy and Rachel opportunity; not for nothing am I learning how to market bad news). Tonight, for instance, she started sobbing after she unintentionally pushed the "start over" button on the DVD player rather than the "pause" button, and when I went upstairs to find out what was the matter she cried, "I'm worried you'll be mad at me 'cause I've done a bad thing!" I had to reassure her that mad was temporary but love was forever. Then at dinner she started crying for some other reason and we gently scolded her that she shouldn't cry when there really wasn't a reason to, and that big girls don't cry, and then she said, "Will you move me to another house?" and I said, "Of COURSE not! Where do you GET such ideas?? We'll NEVER move you to another house, not unless we all go TOGETHER."

That seemed to calm her down. Temporarily.

***

This morning she was upset that she didn't beat me in the daily contest of who-gets-dressed-first. "It's not a race, Rachel," I said gently. But she wouldn't calm down, and she was crying again when I was getting ready to leave. She couldn't put her Pull-Up into the diaper genie. "I was trying to help you OUT!" she sobbed, and I took her on my lap.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" I asked, cuddling her.

"I want YOU to drive me to school because it's funner!" she said. And then she really let go: "I want ALL of us to drive to school TOGETHER!" She wouldn't stop crying when I tried to explain that we couldn't do it because I had to go down to Salem. Actually, I told her, it was a pretty good idea -- we could theoretically do it but we'd have to get her in to school much earlier than all of us get up.

She told me Monday night that she likes it best when we're all together. This brings out two emotions: 1) Relief that Drew went to Columbia last year instead of this year and 2) This constant changing of schedules and Drew's absence two days a week is really wearing us down. I can't even imagine anymore what it would be like to all live under the same roof for weeks at a time, since the last time we did that was during Drew's three-month paternity leave.

***

When I was reading books to Rachel tonight I told her I have to make a gluten-free dessert for an all-women dinner party we're going to on Sunday night at my friend Miriam's house.

"Chocolate pound cake!" she exclaimed. I shook my head and told her the dessert couldn't use flour and, besides, I didn't like how the pound cake had turned out.

"Why?" she asked.

"Honestly, Rachel, I thought it was too dry," I said. "And it didn't taste chocolatey enough."

"It's CHOCOLATE!" she said. "Come ON!"

I cracked up. Which, of course, made her laugh right along with me.