I felt like the world's most awful mother last night. I had been working on a story about gay Portlanders' reactions to the revelations by Mayor Sam Adams that he lied about his relationship with a teenager back in 2005. I was supposed to finish up the story by 5, but just couldn't do it -- it was a difficult, nuanced story to write and the words didn't start flowing until quite late in the day. So, I raced over to St. James and picked Rachel up (Drew was in Seattle; he usually goes up Wednesday/Thursday but this week was an exception) and brought her back to the newsroom, intending to have her sit next to me in the car seat while I finished up.
I had one bottle of formula left to feed her and no diapers. But I figured I'd only be here for an hour or so, so it didn't seem like a big deal.
Fortunately, the couple (Chuck and Catherine) who had invited me over to Shabbat dinner graciously offered to baby-sit Rachel while I finished up. (She is a journalist with the O who went to college with me, so she understands the newspaper biz). They came to the paper, drove my car to their place and I was able to finish my story and edit it -- by 9, much later than I thought it would take.
Remember that I had no diapers and no food for Rachel. When Chuck came to get me, though, she was sound asleep and seemingly not the worse for wear. He said she had been a delightful baby, laughing and having a good time at his house. He and Catherine have a 2-year-old, Josie, so it was an extra-nice thing for them to take Rachel. And they even saved me two slices of pizza!
This taught me several lessons: a) People are way, way kinder to me than I deserve; b) I need to do a much better job of thinking and writing faster while Rachel is this young; and c) I really need to get better about remembering basic things about her care, like always having enough diapers in the diaper bag and carrying an extra bottle of formula (or, at least, formula mix) in case I'm stranded somewhere and need to feed her. (c) is what made me feel like a bad mommy last night.
So now I am finishing up what hopefully will be the last stakeout of Sam Adams. I and the rest of Portland really want him to decide quickly whether he's resigning or staying in office. Then we can all get back to our regularly scheduled programming.
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I didn't really know what it meant to "juggle" until I became a mother. I also suddenly had a lot more empathy for all those working parents out there and what's on their to-do list every single day. Also, remind yourself about that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." This is the first time in history that parents with young children have been so isolated from their extended families. We are also largely isolate from our neighbors and communities -- so good for you and Rachel and Drew that you have help from caring friends! Lastly, I admire that you are continuing to work a breaking news beat with a little one at home. You will be an inspiration to Rachel when she is older.
ReplyDeletethanks Molly. Right now I feel as if she will never grow up, never be an independent person. How do you cope with the lack of sleep? I don't drink coffee. Should I take No-Doz? Vivarin? How can I be a good writer if I don't get enough shut-eye every night?
ReplyDeleteSorry, I don't mean to whine, but it has been a real struggle the last four nights.
Can you learn to like coffee?
ReplyDeleteIf not, I liked the idea that one mom of an infant had, to have a good run on the treadmill to try to wake herself up and keep going during the day.