Tonight really was a fabulous evening -- maybe because I haven't really seen Rachel in the last two days, and Drew is in Seattle so it's just Mommy and Rachel -- or because she was in a great mood.
On the way home from school Rachel reminded me of the time a woman ran into Daddy's car. "It was on Halloween," she said. Which is true, and I was absolutely astonished at her memory. Then we talked about how it's terrible to run red lights, that you could hurt someone, and get a ticket. I told her that Daddy would be very upset if I ran a red light and hurt someone.
"He'd be very upset," she agreed. "He'd put you in your room."
***
I was pulling out of the gas station when Rachel said, "When I grow up, I'll call you Lisa."
"No you won't," I said sternly. "You can't ever call me by my first name, even when you grow up."
"Why?"
"Because it's not respectful," I said.
"My children won't either," she said.
"Right," I answered. "Your children won't call you by your first name because I'll tell them they have to respect their mommy."
"Even after you're dead?" Rachel said.
"Yes," I replied. "Rachel, why are you so obsessed with death?"
Pause.
"What does death mean?" she asked.
***
When Rachel has asked me to tell her a story the past few weeks, it has usually been about her friend Tessa who has a birthday in the winter. So I made up a dramatic tale about it snowing on Tessa's birthday but everyone coming to her house anyway and playing in the snow and drinking hot chocolate next to a big fire.
Tonight Rachel said:
"Mommy, tell me a story about my birthday. But not with any scary parts. No storms, no snow...."
I cracked up.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Vegetable dilemma solved (at least for now)
I should have titled this post, "We are Idiots." Because, We, who should have known better, have been willingly giving Rachel a snack on the way home. It's always granola, so it's always nutritious, but OF COURSE SHE'S NOT HUNGRY FOR DINNER BECAUSE HER LITTLE TUMMY IS ALREADY FULL OF SO-CALLED NUTRITIOUS FOOD WHEN REALLY ALL SHE'S EATEN IS A SUGARY TREAT MASQUERADING AS SOMETHING GOOD FOR HER!
Now that I've finished flagellating myself..
Drew refused to provide Rachel with
a snack on Tuesday and Wednesday night, but he offered her carrots on the way home from school. She held on to them but refused to eat them. When she got home she was starving so she ate a good dinner both nights -- pasta, challah, string cheese and CARROTS. Drew bought a bag of pre-peeled baby carrots and sliced them up; for some reason it's easier for her to handle if she has just a couple of pieces on her plate -- and she ate them! Not exactly willingly, and Drew had to get on her case to follow through, but she did eat one carrot on Wednesday and one carrot on Thursday. He praised her lavishly.
"Mommy will be SO PROUD of me!" Rachel told him. And as soon as she told me Wednesday morning, I said, "I am SO PROUD of you!"
"How proud are you?" she said.
"THIS much!" I said, holding my hands out wide.
Tonight she said, "If I ate four carrots, how proud would you be?"
"I'd be so proud, my arms wouldn't even stretch that far," I answered.
"You'd fall down and bonk your head!" she exclaimed. "And then I'd give you an icee."
Tonight I admittedly pushed my luck a bit -- I cut up more than one carrot and put a whole pile of slices on a small plate. She looked dismayed and said, face quivering, "but when DADDY gives me a carrot, he just gives me one." So I made a big deal of sweeping about half the slices into my salad, acting like I was doing her a tremendous favor, and told her to eat the rest (which was still quite a sizable pile). She ate almost all of them, but when she said she couldn't eat any more, I gave her a break. I had made her hold off on the challah until she finished the carrots, and she didn't ask for dessert, so I just gave her a piece of challah and called it good.
"You know," I told Drew when he returned, calmed down, from the gym the other night, "this is just the first of many battles we'll have with her."
"I know," he replied. "That's why I want to let her know early that she won't always get her way."
Now that I've finished flagellating myself..
Drew refused to provide Rachel with
a snack on Tuesday and Wednesday night, but he offered her carrots on the way home from school. She held on to them but refused to eat them. When she got home she was starving so she ate a good dinner both nights -- pasta, challah, string cheese and CARROTS. Drew bought a bag of pre-peeled baby carrots and sliced them up; for some reason it's easier for her to handle if she has just a couple of pieces on her plate -- and she ate them! Not exactly willingly, and Drew had to get on her case to follow through, but she did eat one carrot on Wednesday and one carrot on Thursday. He praised her lavishly.
"Mommy will be SO PROUD of me!" Rachel told him. And as soon as she told me Wednesday morning, I said, "I am SO PROUD of you!"
"How proud are you?" she said.
"THIS much!" I said, holding my hands out wide.
Tonight she said, "If I ate four carrots, how proud would you be?"
"I'd be so proud, my arms wouldn't even stretch that far," I answered.
"You'd fall down and bonk your head!" she exclaimed. "And then I'd give you an icee."
Tonight I admittedly pushed my luck a bit -- I cut up more than one carrot and put a whole pile of slices on a small plate. She looked dismayed and said, face quivering, "but when DADDY gives me a carrot, he just gives me one." So I made a big deal of sweeping about half the slices into my salad, acting like I was doing her a tremendous favor, and told her to eat the rest (which was still quite a sizable pile). She ate almost all of them, but when she said she couldn't eat any more, I gave her a break. I had made her hold off on the challah until she finished the carrots, and she didn't ask for dessert, so I just gave her a piece of challah and called it good.
"You know," I told Drew when he returned, calmed down, from the gym the other night, "this is just the first of many battles we'll have with her."
"I know," he replied. "That's why I want to let her know early that she won't always get her way."
Monday, January 23, 2012
Spectacularly crappy evening
I had a rough day at work and looked forward to swimming tonight, except I got stuck in a stupid, senseless traffic jam right near the exit to our street and ended up getting at the gym too late for free swim. Also, I lost an earring (but found it later). Also am behind on the magazine I edit because of a work situation that occupied all my time today.
So I was in a crummy mood when I got home but kept my temper under control enough to appreciate Rachel singing, "Hi, Mommy!" in that cheerful voice of hers, and "thank you for making this soup, Mommy!" and quietly answered Drew's questions about my day. Both of us kept trying to get Rachel to eat more soup and meat (I had made beef barley soup with short ribs, one of our winter favorites and one that Rachel usually eats) but she whined and crawled under the table and cried about not wanting to eat dinner.
And then out of nowhere, it seemed, Drew got totally frustrated at Rachel refusing to eat vegetables. We have been after her to try some, using all the tired old parenting tactics -- You Won't Grow Big and Strong If You Don't Eat Your Vegetables (she doesn't believe us and, frankly, the evidence is in her favor because she's growing like a weed), You Can't Have Any Dessert If You Don't Eat Your Vegetables (she doesn't care) and All Your Friends Eat Their Vegetables, So You Should, Too (ditto).
So Drew announced that henceforth she wouldn't get a snack on the way home from preschool (she usually munches on granola because she's starving by the time we pick her up). And that she'd have to start eating vegetables. I tried to feed her some cucumbers and carrots from the soup, and she started gagging, and Drew got so upset that he swept her up in his arms and ordered her to stay in her room.
She sobbed for a while and then came out and said, snurfling (she has a bad cold), "I'm reading to eat my vegetables." More gagging on cucumbers and carrots, which made Drew even more angry. I told her quietly that she couldn't do this anymore, that she had to start eating her vegetables. I took her on my lap and she cried, "I'll tell my children that too," which almost made me laugh but I was careful to stay very serious.
She asked me to put her to sleep, even after I asked if she really wanted me to or if she was just mad at Daddy. "Daddy ALWAYS puts me to sleep," she said sadly, so I took her to her room and we rocked for a while in the glider, me encouraging her to take deep breaths to calm her crying. "Why are you crying?" I asked. "Because I'm afraid you won't love me!" she said, and I had to reassure her AGAIN that that's not true -- I'll always love her but she needs to listen to what Mommy and Daddy say.
I read her one book, we went quietly into the bathroom to wash and brush, then she put on a pair of pajamas and asked me to cuddle with her in bed. I told her that I had to go back into the kitchen to finish dinner. She was sad but seemed to understand.
When I got back into the kitchen Drew had already cleaned up and was ready to head to the gym. "I am TIRED of fighting over food," he said angrily. I can't blame him, really -- I didn't realize it had built up into such frustration. Have I been lax as a parent by not insisting that Rachel eat vegetables? One of the things I decided long ago was never to fight my kid over food; we live in America and I don't allow her to eat junk, so she won't starve. I figured that she'd come around to the idea of eating vegetables soon enough and that she'd get what she needed from other good food. Or will it take putting out a plate of carrots and cucumbers and peas, night after night after bloody night, and not offering her anything she loves, like challah or chicken or pasta, before she gets the message that we won't tolerate her not eating vegetables? And then grows up to hate them as a result?
To much to think of right now. I'm hoping, for her sake, that she listens to Drew when he serves her vegetables tomorrow night while I'm in class.
So I was in a crummy mood when I got home but kept my temper under control enough to appreciate Rachel singing, "Hi, Mommy!" in that cheerful voice of hers, and "thank you for making this soup, Mommy!" and quietly answered Drew's questions about my day. Both of us kept trying to get Rachel to eat more soup and meat (I had made beef barley soup with short ribs, one of our winter favorites and one that Rachel usually eats) but she whined and crawled under the table and cried about not wanting to eat dinner.
And then out of nowhere, it seemed, Drew got totally frustrated at Rachel refusing to eat vegetables. We have been after her to try some, using all the tired old parenting tactics -- You Won't Grow Big and Strong If You Don't Eat Your Vegetables (she doesn't believe us and, frankly, the evidence is in her favor because she's growing like a weed), You Can't Have Any Dessert If You Don't Eat Your Vegetables (she doesn't care) and All Your Friends Eat Their Vegetables, So You Should, Too (ditto).
So Drew announced that henceforth she wouldn't get a snack on the way home from preschool (she usually munches on granola because she's starving by the time we pick her up). And that she'd have to start eating vegetables. I tried to feed her some cucumbers and carrots from the soup, and she started gagging, and Drew got so upset that he swept her up in his arms and ordered her to stay in her room.
She sobbed for a while and then came out and said, snurfling (she has a bad cold), "I'm reading to eat my vegetables." More gagging on cucumbers and carrots, which made Drew even more angry. I told her quietly that she couldn't do this anymore, that she had to start eating her vegetables. I took her on my lap and she cried, "I'll tell my children that too," which almost made me laugh but I was careful to stay very serious.
She asked me to put her to sleep, even after I asked if she really wanted me to or if she was just mad at Daddy. "Daddy ALWAYS puts me to sleep," she said sadly, so I took her to her room and we rocked for a while in the glider, me encouraging her to take deep breaths to calm her crying. "Why are you crying?" I asked. "Because I'm afraid you won't love me!" she said, and I had to reassure her AGAIN that that's not true -- I'll always love her but she needs to listen to what Mommy and Daddy say.
I read her one book, we went quietly into the bathroom to wash and brush, then she put on a pair of pajamas and asked me to cuddle with her in bed. I told her that I had to go back into the kitchen to finish dinner. She was sad but seemed to understand.
When I got back into the kitchen Drew had already cleaned up and was ready to head to the gym. "I am TIRED of fighting over food," he said angrily. I can't blame him, really -- I didn't realize it had built up into such frustration. Have I been lax as a parent by not insisting that Rachel eat vegetables? One of the things I decided long ago was never to fight my kid over food; we live in America and I don't allow her to eat junk, so she won't starve. I figured that she'd come around to the idea of eating vegetables soon enough and that she'd get what she needed from other good food. Or will it take putting out a plate of carrots and cucumbers and peas, night after night after bloody night, and not offering her anything she loves, like challah or chicken or pasta, before she gets the message that we won't tolerate her not eating vegetables? And then grows up to hate them as a result?
To much to think of right now. I'm hoping, for her sake, that she listens to Drew when he serves her vegetables tomorrow night while I'm in class.
Rachel's obsession with death
..I was told today that 3- and 4-year-olds are fascinated with the concept of death, which is why I was more amused than concerned when Rachel said this to me this morning after I told her I planned to swim today:
"Maybe if you don't die in the middle of when I'm grown up and I have my own children, we could swim together in the same lane!"
I was so startled that I could only manage to sputter, "Capital idea, Rachel!"
A dear friend of mine, Deni, who has two grandsons, told me when her daughter was little, she told Deni that she really liked one of Deni's sweaters and wanted to know if she could have it when her mom died. And I told Deni she made me smile for the first time today.
"Maybe if you don't die in the middle of when I'm grown up and I have my own children, we could swim together in the same lane!"
I was so startled that I could only manage to sputter, "Capital idea, Rachel!"
A dear friend of mine, Deni, who has two grandsons, told me when her daughter was little, she told Deni that she really liked one of Deni's sweaters and wanted to know if she could have it when her mom died. And I told Deni she made me smile for the first time today.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Chavurah fun!
Today was our monthly meeting of the chavurah, the small group of families within Congregation Beth Israel who have kids around Rachel's age (I use that demarcation loosely -- the youngest kid is 5). I was feeling groggy and tired from taking NyQuil the night before and almost didn't go, but decided at the last minute to.
Rachel, of course, had a great time as soon as she found a 9 1/2 year old girl named Eva (the daughter of the hosts, who have two older boys) who very thoughtfully took Rachel under her wing and showed her all her stuffed animals. They were hanging out in her room when I peeked in after I'd helped myself to brunch food (I hadn't eaten breakfast) and they looked so cozy together! Both Drew and I thanked Eva profusely for keeping Rachel company, and we thanked her parents, too. "It can't be fun for Eva to hang out with a 3 1/2 year old," I said to Shelley, Eva's mom, who replied that Eva was probably glad she had a little girl to play with since most of the other parents in the chavurah all have boys.
"Can you come to OUR house?" Rachel asked Eva as we were leaving. "You can stay for three days!"
***
I was so tired when we got home that I tried to nap while Rachel napped. Unfortunately hers didn't last long, and I tried to persuade her to nap with me on the futon upstairs in the attic. She cuddled a little bit, then said, "Mommy, I'm going to bring you one of my stuffed animals for you to cuddle with." She trotted downstairs and returned with a puppy, which I actually did cuddle with until Rachel woke me up by asking me if I wanted some stamps on my hand. "Rachel, I'm trying to SLEEP," I said crossly, which I instantly regretted.
Then Drew came home from grocery shopping and I did some work on a freelance story and came downstairs when Rachel was in the bath. She asked for me to put her to sleep, but I had to tell her a Hello Kitty story. I made up a tale about Hello Kitty being worried that no one would come to her birthday party because her birthday was in the winter and there was snow on the ground and so the other friends wouldn't be able to drive to an indoor playground -- but then she woke up to the smell of chocolate cake and found that her mommy had rescheduled the party so everyone came to Hello Kitty's house and Hello Kitty got lots of presents, and they all went out and played in the snow, and then they all came inside and had hot chocolate and popcorn next to a big fire. And cake. And it was the best birthday party EVER.
"I'm worried it's going to SNOW on my birthday," Rachel fretted.
"Rachel, I promise you it won't snow," I said.
"But sometimes it snows in July," she said.
"Rachel, you are a very smart and clever girl," I said. "But you're wrong on this one. I promise it won't snow."
Then she started fretting that Halloween was really far away, and then she told me she wants to be a unicorn, with a pink mane of hair and a rainbow outfit. (I really hope that by October she has changed her mind to be a nice, easy-to-put-together princess. Or some kind of animal). Also: For her birthday she wants a rainbow cake with chocolate icing and pink and purple frosting.
"Frosting is the same as icing," I said. "So, you have to choose one or the other."
"Chocolate on the side and pink and purple on top," she said.
"Okay," I answered. "I'll have to work on the rainbow part, though."
"You can buy rainbow things," she explained. "Like rainbow-colored sugar!"
Like I said, I'll have to work on it.
Rachel, of course, had a great time as soon as she found a 9 1/2 year old girl named Eva (the daughter of the hosts, who have two older boys) who very thoughtfully took Rachel under her wing and showed her all her stuffed animals. They were hanging out in her room when I peeked in after I'd helped myself to brunch food (I hadn't eaten breakfast) and they looked so cozy together! Both Drew and I thanked Eva profusely for keeping Rachel company, and we thanked her parents, too. "It can't be fun for Eva to hang out with a 3 1/2 year old," I said to Shelley, Eva's mom, who replied that Eva was probably glad she had a little girl to play with since most of the other parents in the chavurah all have boys.
"Can you come to OUR house?" Rachel asked Eva as we were leaving. "You can stay for three days!"
***
I was so tired when we got home that I tried to nap while Rachel napped. Unfortunately hers didn't last long, and I tried to persuade her to nap with me on the futon upstairs in the attic. She cuddled a little bit, then said, "Mommy, I'm going to bring you one of my stuffed animals for you to cuddle with." She trotted downstairs and returned with a puppy, which I actually did cuddle with until Rachel woke me up by asking me if I wanted some stamps on my hand. "Rachel, I'm trying to SLEEP," I said crossly, which I instantly regretted.
Then Drew came home from grocery shopping and I did some work on a freelance story and came downstairs when Rachel was in the bath. She asked for me to put her to sleep, but I had to tell her a Hello Kitty story. I made up a tale about Hello Kitty being worried that no one would come to her birthday party because her birthday was in the winter and there was snow on the ground and so the other friends wouldn't be able to drive to an indoor playground -- but then she woke up to the smell of chocolate cake and found that her mommy had rescheduled the party so everyone came to Hello Kitty's house and Hello Kitty got lots of presents, and they all went out and played in the snow, and then they all came inside and had hot chocolate and popcorn next to a big fire. And cake. And it was the best birthday party EVER.
"I'm worried it's going to SNOW on my birthday," Rachel fretted.
"Rachel, I promise you it won't snow," I said.
"But sometimes it snows in July," she said.
"Rachel, you are a very smart and clever girl," I said. "But you're wrong on this one. I promise it won't snow."
Then she started fretting that Halloween was really far away, and then she told me she wants to be a unicorn, with a pink mane of hair and a rainbow outfit. (I really hope that by October she has changed her mind to be a nice, easy-to-put-together princess. Or some kind of animal). Also: For her birthday she wants a rainbow cake with chocolate icing and pink and purple frosting.
"Frosting is the same as icing," I said. "So, you have to choose one or the other."
"Chocolate on the side and pink and purple on top," she said.
"Okay," I answered. "I'll have to work on the rainbow part, though."
"You can buy rainbow things," she explained. "Like rainbow-colored sugar!"
Like I said, I'll have to work on it.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Rachel takes care of Mommy
As I said in my previous post, I've been sick. So much so that I actually left a little early on Friday and got home just before 6. Drew was home the whole week because the weather in Seattle was so bad that his editor ordered him not to drive up. So he graciously agreed to rent a movie for me, and I turned it on when I got home, huddled under a blanket and took some muscle relaxants (my shoulder was killing me) and ginger ale.
Drew told Rachel on the way home from preschool that Mommy wasn't feeling well, and she suggested that what I needed was "some relaxing music," so as soon as she got home she went to her bedroom, grabbed her Madeline music box and brought it upstairs.
Then she asked if we could watch a "My Little Pony" music that Drew, bless his heart, had bought her at a closeout sale at Blockbuster Video. Not something I would have done, because I'd rather her watch good Pixar-produced stuff...but it's too late, she is now hooked. Sigh.
I really didn't want to stop my movie, but she asked so sweetly and then followed it with, "it will cheer you up," so what could I say? Drew suggested we watch a little of it while he made dinner for Rachel (I didn't feel like eating) and then I'd finish my movie. "Sure," I said.
It was worth it. The movie was indeed insipid but there is nothing -- and I mean NOTHING -- like curling up on a couch with a little girl in my arms watching a move. At one point, one of the characters started saying something and then he corrected himself with, "Nah, that's the one with the girl in the woods and the seven little guys," and I laughed.
"See, Mommy?" Rachel smiled. "I told you this would cheer you up!" And she was right.
Drew told Rachel on the way home from preschool that Mommy wasn't feeling well, and she suggested that what I needed was "some relaxing music," so as soon as she got home she went to her bedroom, grabbed her Madeline music box and brought it upstairs.
Then she asked if we could watch a "My Little Pony" music that Drew, bless his heart, had bought her at a closeout sale at Blockbuster Video. Not something I would have done, because I'd rather her watch good Pixar-produced stuff...but it's too late, she is now hooked. Sigh.
I really didn't want to stop my movie, but she asked so sweetly and then followed it with, "it will cheer you up," so what could I say? Drew suggested we watch a little of it while he made dinner for Rachel (I didn't feel like eating) and then I'd finish my movie. "Sure," I said.
It was worth it. The movie was indeed insipid but there is nothing -- and I mean NOTHING -- like curling up on a couch with a little girl in my arms watching a move. At one point, one of the characters started saying something and then he corrected himself with, "Nah, that's the one with the girl in the woods and the seven little guys," and I laughed.
"See, Mommy?" Rachel smiled. "I told you this would cheer you up!" And she was right.
Friendly little girl
I've been sick (again) the last two days; my voice is almost gone, I'm tired and sniffly. In other words: Auditing a class at the business school, going to chorus rehearsals every week, freelancing on the side and, oh yeah, doing my job, is running me down. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it until May or so.
So instead of doing work on my freelance story, I spent much of the morning in bed, asleep. Drew took The Little Girl around on errands, and one of the places they went was Delphina's -- my go-to place for the breakfast scones I eat on weekends.
While Drew was at the counter, Rachel noticed a woman and a man sitting together on a bench in the bakery. Drew estimated the woman looked like she was in her late 20s.
"Oh, she looks so adorable!" the woman told Drew. Whereupon Rachel asked her, in order:
"What's YOUR name? Is that your husband? What's he eating?"
She also offered to share part of her food and some juice. The woman was clearly charmed, and as she left she looked at Rachel and sighed, "I want one!"
Drew quickly replied, "She's available for short-term rental."
***
Rachel was in the car and asked Drew today:
"If I do something bad, will you still love me?
"Of course, sweetie!" he said.
"Even if I drop something?"
"Of course!"
"Even if I SPILL something?"
"Of COURSE! Anger is temporary. But I will always love you."
(Drew said he wondered if she would commence to working herself up to 'if I commit mass murder, will you still love me?' but eventually she stopped.
So instead of doing work on my freelance story, I spent much of the morning in bed, asleep. Drew took The Little Girl around on errands, and one of the places they went was Delphina's -- my go-to place for the breakfast scones I eat on weekends.
While Drew was at the counter, Rachel noticed a woman and a man sitting together on a bench in the bakery. Drew estimated the woman looked like she was in her late 20s.
"Oh, she looks so adorable!" the woman told Drew. Whereupon Rachel asked her, in order:
"What's YOUR name? Is that your husband? What's he eating?"
She also offered to share part of her food and some juice. The woman was clearly charmed, and as she left she looked at Rachel and sighed, "I want one!"
Drew quickly replied, "She's available for short-term rental."
***
Rachel was in the car and asked Drew today:
"If I do something bad, will you still love me?
"Of course, sweetie!" he said.
"Even if I drop something?"
"Of course!"
"Even if I SPILL something?"
"Of COURSE! Anger is temporary. But I will always love you."
(Drew said he wondered if she would commence to working herself up to 'if I commit mass murder, will you still love me?' but eventually she stopped.
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