Yesterday, Arlington public schools were closed for the whole day because of the snow we received in the morning, which of course had melted by, oh, 1 p.m. or so. (Two men knocked on the door and offered to shovel the walk if I paid them $10. "No, thanks," I said brightly. Then one of them said that there was ice, and I said again, more firmly, "No, thanks." I should have added, "nice try," because I knew they had tried that trick because I was a woman and, therefore, in their eyes, helpless).
Rachel and I had a nice day together. I got up before she did, had breakfast, and then heard her coming downstairs. She had a frightened look on her face. "Uh, Mom?" she said. "Um...it's late..."
"School's closed today," I said gently, "and I wanted to let you sleep."
We had a leisurely breakfast, I threw in some laundry and cleaned up, and then we went outside quite late -- around 1 or so -- and I shoveled the sidewalk while Rachel carved a "snow seat" out of the front lawn. Then I grabbed her sled and a cracked plastic saucer that Drew had told Rachel she could keep because it had been left at McKinley Hill during the last snow -- and we headed out to go sledding. On the way Rachel stopped and climbed two trees, while I took pictures, and when we got to the hill it was filled with kids. It was also very icy, and Rachel flew down on her saucer, then said,
"C'mon, Mom, you try!" I kept waiting for the bottom of the hill to clear of kids, and then Rachel said, "Mom, you're stalling!" and I answered crossly, "I don't want to run over any kids," but the truth was, I WAS stalling. At last I got on the sled and flew down the solid patch of ice that Rachel insisted I go on -- and it was a fast, scary ride that ended with me flying over some wood beams and crashing down on my backside. I felt it as soon as I got up. "Are you okay??!?!" the moms at the bottom of the hill asked, and I answered, sure, when what I really felt was sore. Not too bad, though.
Then Rachel wanted to visit a friend of hers, Madeline, whose house is at the top of the hill, so we trudged up and Rachel climbed over the back fence. It ended up with her and Madeline going to their friend Samantha's house down the block, and I had just enough time to drag the sleds home, gulp down a late lunch of salad and matzoh, then hop in the car and pick Rachel up.
She had insisted that she wanted Mommy's popcorn and homemade hot chocolate and to watch "Oklahoma!" which she had seen at Ivy's house and Drew rented it from the library. So, at 5:30, we ate popcorn and hot chocolate and snuggled in to watch the movie, with Rachel jumping up every few scenes to do her own interpretive dancing (she changed into a pink dress with sparkles on it) and urging me to dance with her.
Drew got home around 7:30 (Pew was NOT closed, unfortunately, and I didn't have work, so it made sense for me to be the one to stay home), heated up homemade chicken soup with matzo balls and my homemade challah; we ate dinner and then sent Rachel to bed. All in all, it was a nice, non-routine, relaxing day.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Trouble with Sydney
I've written many times about Sydney, who is best described as Rachel's "frenemy." They get along, they don't get along; they fight, make up, etc. -- all the stuff I thought would wait until junior high, and now apparently is happening at the grade-school level. Sigh.
I was away last weekend, and when I returned Drew had some extremely disturbing news -- Sydney stole some possessions of Rachel's -- an American Girl doll headband and something else that I can't remember right now. Luckily Rachel told Drew and Nicole, Sydney's mom, about it. Nicole grounded Sydney and made her give the stuff back. I was so angry and upset that I told Drew that "I don't want that child in my house anymore." He agreed.
Then, earlier this week, Drew picked up Rachel at extended day to find her upset and crying. She threw herself into his arms and said that Sydney had thrown something at her eye -- it turned out to be a Connect 4 chip -- and the extended day folks gave Rachel some ice. They also gave Sydney a talking-to; and Nicole, when she arrived, did so as well. "I don't know what's going on with her," she said worriedly. Drew and I decided NO MORE WEEKDAY PLAYDATES with those two (Rachel ended up forgetting to do her homework on the day of one playdate, and she had to do it afterward), so hopefully that will end the constant contact between the two (Sydney is another first-grade class).
Drew also took Sydney aside, out of earshot of Nicole and Rachel, and told her sternly, "If you EVER throw anything at my daughter again, there will be HELL to pay."
He said she just kind of looked at him and said, "uuhh."
Yesterday was a snow day (more on that later), and when Rachel and I were cuddling in her bed I asked her to tell me about Sydney. She said she's mean to her.
"You know that Daddy and I won't let anyone hurt you," I said.
"Mom, you can't just run to extended day every time Sydney pinches me," she replied.
"So, I guess you're telling me that you can handle what's going on," I said.
"Yeah, Mom!" she said. "I'm almost a teenager!"
I was away last weekend, and when I returned Drew had some extremely disturbing news -- Sydney stole some possessions of Rachel's -- an American Girl doll headband and something else that I can't remember right now. Luckily Rachel told Drew and Nicole, Sydney's mom, about it. Nicole grounded Sydney and made her give the stuff back. I was so angry and upset that I told Drew that "I don't want that child in my house anymore." He agreed.
Then, earlier this week, Drew picked up Rachel at extended day to find her upset and crying. She threw herself into his arms and said that Sydney had thrown something at her eye -- it turned out to be a Connect 4 chip -- and the extended day folks gave Rachel some ice. They also gave Sydney a talking-to; and Nicole, when she arrived, did so as well. "I don't know what's going on with her," she said worriedly. Drew and I decided NO MORE WEEKDAY PLAYDATES with those two (Rachel ended up forgetting to do her homework on the day of one playdate, and she had to do it afterward), so hopefully that will end the constant contact between the two (Sydney is another first-grade class).
Drew also took Sydney aside, out of earshot of Nicole and Rachel, and told her sternly, "If you EVER throw anything at my daughter again, there will be HELL to pay."
He said she just kind of looked at him and said, "uuhh."
Yesterday was a snow day (more on that later), and when Rachel and I were cuddling in her bed I asked her to tell me about Sydney. She said she's mean to her.
"You know that Daddy and I won't let anyone hurt you," I said.
"Mom, you can't just run to extended day every time Sydney pinches me," she replied.
"So, I guess you're telling me that you can handle what's going on," I said.
"Yeah, Mom!" she said. "I'm almost a teenager!"
Thursday, February 19, 2015
A worrisome trend
I've written before about Rachel's need to punish herself when she's done something that she thinks will make us angry. The other night she knocked over a vase of flowers accidentally and then was beside herself. Drew had to calm her sobbing and her saying, "No one makes mistakes like I do!" and reassure her that, yes, everyone makes mistakes.
The other day I walked into her room as she was getting ready for a playdate and she was crying and said, "I'm afraid you're going to be really mad at me." When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she had thrown away a necklace I'd gotten her for Valentine's Day -- a dreamcatcher, from Target, which cost about $9.99 -- as a way of punishing herself for doing something so innocuous I can't even remember. I had to sit on her bed with her and say that she shouldn't punish herself like that, that Mommy and Daddy and the outside world will punish her enough and that she doesn't need to take that burden on herself. Then she gave me a worrisome answer: "I do it because it makes me feel better." I had visions of her cutting herself when she was a teenager, and I urged her NOT TO THROW AWAY THINGS THAT SHE LOVES again.
Well, when Drew heard tonight that she'd done that, he hit the roof. He told her that she had compounded the original mistake by throwing away something that "your mother gave you" and that she needs to stop doing that. He was so upset that Rachel ended up getting upset, leaving the table (she had come downstairs after being in bed, saying she was hungry, and so she ate some challah), going upstairs and sobbing -- we could hear her downstairs. I wanted to go after her, but Drew said, "Let her cry. If she keeps throwing away things that we give her, then maybe we should just stop giving her things."
I thought that was a little harsh, mainly because I thought Rachel and I had sorted that out a few days ago. I peeked in on her and she had fallen asleep, so I took the book and her flashlight and put them away. Tonight at the science fair, I asked the vice principal who the guidance counselor is because I'm thinking of making an appointment to talk to her about this thing Rachel has about punishing herself. I need to find a way to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.
The other day I walked into her room as she was getting ready for a playdate and she was crying and said, "I'm afraid you're going to be really mad at me." When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she had thrown away a necklace I'd gotten her for Valentine's Day -- a dreamcatcher, from Target, which cost about $9.99 -- as a way of punishing herself for doing something so innocuous I can't even remember. I had to sit on her bed with her and say that she shouldn't punish herself like that, that Mommy and Daddy and the outside world will punish her enough and that she doesn't need to take that burden on herself. Then she gave me a worrisome answer: "I do it because it makes me feel better." I had visions of her cutting herself when she was a teenager, and I urged her NOT TO THROW AWAY THINGS THAT SHE LOVES again.
Well, when Drew heard tonight that she'd done that, he hit the roof. He told her that she had compounded the original mistake by throwing away something that "your mother gave you" and that she needs to stop doing that. He was so upset that Rachel ended up getting upset, leaving the table (she had come downstairs after being in bed, saying she was hungry, and so she ate some challah), going upstairs and sobbing -- we could hear her downstairs. I wanted to go after her, but Drew said, "Let her cry. If she keeps throwing away things that we give her, then maybe we should just stop giving her things."
I thought that was a little harsh, mainly because I thought Rachel and I had sorted that out a few days ago. I peeked in on her and she had fallen asleep, so I took the book and her flashlight and put them away. Tonight at the science fair, I asked the vice principal who the guidance counselor is because I'm thinking of making an appointment to talk to her about this thing Rachel has about punishing herself. I need to find a way to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.
Report card
Rachel got her report card a week ago, and she is "making expected progress" (no letter grades this young) in everything, with areas of strength in reading independently, reading with understanding, expressing ideas clearly (in written communication), understanding concepts presented (in math). Here are some teachers' comments:
Mrs. Bonahoom (art): Rachel has had a great quarter in art class. She did especially well with her school of fish project. Rachel is eager to start new projects and participates in class discussions. She has unique ideas and loves to sketch in her sketchbook. Rachel is cooperative with her class mates and is an asset to our class.
Mrs. McAdam (all subjects except Spanish): Rachel has continued to make progress throughout the second quarter. She continues to show growth as a reader and a writers. Rachel has a great voice in her written work. Her writing pieces reflect her personality and are fun to read. A writing goal for Rachel is to independently apply the patterns she has learned in word study to her written work. In math relearned about place value, missing partners and representing numbers up to 100. Rachel has a solid understanding of these topics. Rachel is an inquisitive learner who enjoys analyzing situation s and making new discoveries in all parts of the school day. However Rachel does need reminders to separate work times and social times. She also needs reminders to take care of her belongings and keep an organized desk. I will continue to work with her on this. At this point students demonstrate an understanding of classroom rules and expectations for learning. One of Rachel's many strengths in class is her willingness to help a friend. She works well with everyone and is a leader in the classroom.
Mrs. Bonahoom (art): Rachel has had a great quarter in art class. She did especially well with her school of fish project. Rachel is eager to start new projects and participates in class discussions. She has unique ideas and loves to sketch in her sketchbook. Rachel is cooperative with her class mates and is an asset to our class.
Mrs. McAdam (all subjects except Spanish): Rachel has continued to make progress throughout the second quarter. She continues to show growth as a reader and a writers. Rachel has a great voice in her written work. Her writing pieces reflect her personality and are fun to read. A writing goal for Rachel is to independently apply the patterns she has learned in word study to her written work. In math relearned about place value, missing partners and representing numbers up to 100. Rachel has a solid understanding of these topics. Rachel is an inquisitive learner who enjoys analyzing situation s and making new discoveries in all parts of the school day. However Rachel does need reminders to separate work times and social times. She also needs reminders to take care of her belongings and keep an organized desk. I will continue to work with her on this. At this point students demonstrate an understanding of classroom rules and expectations for learning. One of Rachel's many strengths in class is her willingness to help a friend. She works well with everyone and is a leader in the classroom.
Science Fair
Tonight was McKinley's annual science fair. It's mostly for 3rd-, 4th- and 5th-graders, but Rachel decided she wanted to do a project, so Drew and I have taken her to the library the past two Saturdays and Sundays to work on it. Her topic, which she came up with herself, is "Who invented language?" (Not exactly a science experiment topic, but Drew was very firm about letting her do most of the work herself; he explained tonight that he doesn't want to be one of those parents who does the science fair projects with minimal help from their children).
Rachel got a couple of books from the library and tried to pose the questions as a hypothesis and conclusion. Unfortunately, the conclusion was that nobody really knows, but she made up a poster board anyway, and tonight it was on display in the school library. There were a bunch of fun projects the kids could go, like make a bracelet strung like DNA, which Rachel did, and pick up some turtles and snakes, and spend some time learning to code (which Rachel did NOT do, alas, and very few girls seemed interested even though the project involved Anna and Elsa from "Frozen"). We were followed around by Sidney, who apparently came over to dinner tonight (I was in D.C. meeting my friend Charon for a quick drink after a day of baking challah and making chicken soup for an early dinner for Drew and Rachel). I'm getting tired of Sidney and Rachel squabbling, so I wasn't exactly cheerful about having Sidney along, but tried to hide my exasperation.
Rachel noticed the other projects and told Drew that she was ashamed of her own project. "The others look so nice, they're all printed out and I just wrote mine," she said sadly. "Well, sweetie, most of the other projects are by 3rd- and 4th-graders," he said.
As they were heading out, Drew overheard Dr. Wentzel, the school's vice principal, say to a parent, "His daughter," (meaning Rachel), is in first grade and she did her OWN science project and came up with the question herself -- "Who invented language?
I was glad to hear that, but next year, I told Drew, we're going to start preparing for the science fair in, oh, December or January.
Rachel got a couple of books from the library and tried to pose the questions as a hypothesis and conclusion. Unfortunately, the conclusion was that nobody really knows, but she made up a poster board anyway, and tonight it was on display in the school library. There were a bunch of fun projects the kids could go, like make a bracelet strung like DNA, which Rachel did, and pick up some turtles and snakes, and spend some time learning to code (which Rachel did NOT do, alas, and very few girls seemed interested even though the project involved Anna and Elsa from "Frozen"). We were followed around by Sidney, who apparently came over to dinner tonight (I was in D.C. meeting my friend Charon for a quick drink after a day of baking challah and making chicken soup for an early dinner for Drew and Rachel). I'm getting tired of Sidney and Rachel squabbling, so I wasn't exactly cheerful about having Sidney along, but tried to hide my exasperation.
Rachel noticed the other projects and told Drew that she was ashamed of her own project. "The others look so nice, they're all printed out and I just wrote mine," she said sadly. "Well, sweetie, most of the other projects are by 3rd- and 4th-graders," he said.
As they were heading out, Drew overheard Dr. Wentzel, the school's vice principal, say to a parent, "His daughter," (meaning Rachel), is in first grade and she did her OWN science project and came up with the question herself -- "Who invented language?
I was glad to hear that, but next year, I told Drew, we're going to start preparing for the science fair in, oh, December or January.
Snow Day, Part 2
So, Wednesday was a "late start" because of ice on the roads, or cold weather, or something like that -- it's all a blur now -- and so Drew went in to work at his regular time while I took Rachel sledding again just before school started at 11 a.m. I thought there'd be lots of kids on the hill near the school but there was only one guy, Eli, and his kindergartener, Nora. Eli and I had a nice conversation while the girls went sledding, and Rachel and I took a few runs together. (Drew had warned be about the hill, that it was slick because so many kids had sledded there on Tuesday -- in fact, he had taken Ivy and Rachel there later in the day, again, while I was at work). Rachel had a lovely description of the hill: "It's like a sugar cookie with chocolate chips," the chocolate being the patches of brown grass underneath. She was right -- we were sledding on packed-down snow and grass, but it was fast and fun and even a little scary.
Eli wouldn't let his daughter go alone, and I felt terrible when I let Rachel solo and she crashed into the baseball net pole (luckily just her leg and not her head hit it, and her leg was covered with leggings and snow pants, and she said she wasn't hurt). "I'm probably too loose with her," I told Eli. "Probably because I've hitchhiked around Africa."
"And would you be okay with that if SHE wanted to do it?" he asked.
I thought about it a bit and said, "probably not." That's because I'm her mom, of course.
Eli wouldn't let his daughter go alone, and I felt terrible when I let Rachel solo and she crashed into the baseball net pole (luckily just her leg and not her head hit it, and her leg was covered with leggings and snow pants, and she said she wasn't hurt). "I'm probably too loose with her," I told Eli. "Probably because I've hitchhiked around Africa."
"And would you be okay with that if SHE wanted to do it?" he asked.
I thought about it a bit and said, "probably not." That's because I'm her mom, of course.
Snow! Snow! Snow!
It is bitterly, horribly, absolutely, abominably cold here. Record-breaking low temps are expected for the next few days. Luckily Rachel is off crutches -- has been for a few weeks now -- so at least we don't have THAT to contend with.
We at least got some snow out of the deal. Monday was Presidents' Day, which Drew and Rachel had off (I had to work), and Tuesday we got more than 5 inches of snow, so Pew and school were closed (again, I had to work). The cool thing about Tuesday, though, was that we got to take Rachel sledding in the morning. We had a blast -- Drew and Rachel went first, to the hill behind McKinley, and then I came after I finished breakfast and got into all my clothes, including Drew's ski pants, and headed for the hill. Rachel has only one sled, but she and I went down several times together. The hill was AWESOME -- lots of kids, so it was kind of hazardous, but a lot of fun. Drew and I had to reprimand Rachel for not listening to us when we told her to get out of the way of other kids when she insisted on telling Ivy, who was there, too, "just one more thing!" and to emphasize the point of how much a sled colliding with Rachel could hurt her, Drew hit her leg really hard, which made Rachel upset. Point made, he went home, and Rachel and I took another run or two before we headed home, too.
On the way home, I told Rachel about how Grandpa used to take Mommy and Tia Daniella sledding at a really cool hill in New Jersey (remember, Dad? Near that highway on the way to New York?) and then we'd go out for hot chocolate afterward.
"I bet it wasn't as good as YOUR hot chocolate," Rachel said loyally. "We're so lucky to have you!"
"What makes you say that?" I replied.
"Because you can bake, like, EVERYTHING!" she exclaimed.
I made hot chocolate from scratch and then we all had a family talk about how Rachel really has to listen to us when we tell her to do something -- she can't do things on her own time -- and her big blue eyes filled with tears and her little face looked so miserable, but we needed to make the point. She and Drew cuddled for a little bit, and then she was fine. We all drank our hot chocolate, I went upstairs to shower, then headed to work.
We at least got some snow out of the deal. Monday was Presidents' Day, which Drew and Rachel had off (I had to work), and Tuesday we got more than 5 inches of snow, so Pew and school were closed (again, I had to work). The cool thing about Tuesday, though, was that we got to take Rachel sledding in the morning. We had a blast -- Drew and Rachel went first, to the hill behind McKinley, and then I came after I finished breakfast and got into all my clothes, including Drew's ski pants, and headed for the hill. Rachel has only one sled, but she and I went down several times together. The hill was AWESOME -- lots of kids, so it was kind of hazardous, but a lot of fun. Drew and I had to reprimand Rachel for not listening to us when we told her to get out of the way of other kids when she insisted on telling Ivy, who was there, too, "just one more thing!" and to emphasize the point of how much a sled colliding with Rachel could hurt her, Drew hit her leg really hard, which made Rachel upset. Point made, he went home, and Rachel and I took another run or two before we headed home, too.
On the way home, I told Rachel about how Grandpa used to take Mommy and Tia Daniella sledding at a really cool hill in New Jersey (remember, Dad? Near that highway on the way to New York?) and then we'd go out for hot chocolate afterward.
"I bet it wasn't as good as YOUR hot chocolate," Rachel said loyally. "We're so lucky to have you!"
"What makes you say that?" I replied.
"Because you can bake, like, EVERYTHING!" she exclaimed.
I made hot chocolate from scratch and then we all had a family talk about how Rachel really has to listen to us when we tell her to do something -- she can't do things on her own time -- and her big blue eyes filled with tears and her little face looked so miserable, but we needed to make the point. She and Drew cuddled for a little bit, and then she was fine. We all drank our hot chocolate, I went upstairs to shower, then headed to work.
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